I Think - Therefore, I Am - Not by Peter Vajda, Ph.D

I Think - Therefore, I Am - NotBy [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D]Peter Vajda, Ph.D

The question beneath the question is: On what basis am I who I think I am?

Picture a motherboard, or a system board - the piece of electronic equipment that runs many electronic and computerized devices. If you've ever seen a motherboard or system board, you'll see it's not flat; rather, there are numerous nodes, diodes, and other small metal and plastic structures soldered to it. These various structures contain all of the programming and commands that allow the computer or electronic device to function.

Now, assume your brain is a motherboard. And, here's another question:

If, when you were born, your motherboard (your brain) were, indeed, completely flat, with no structures containing programming or commands on it, how did it happen that you have the thoughts, beliefs, world views, assumptions, expectations, inferences, biases, and most importantly, the values, you now have; that is, where did all the nodes, diodes and structures on the motherboard you use to navigate life and the world come from?

This is an especially important question if you are someone who considers themselves to be:

A free thinker Spontaneous Independent Open-minded Conscious

A "nobody's gonna tell me how to be..." type of individual

Those of us who have convinced ourselves we have created our own motherboards from scratch would be well-served to perhaps think again - and maybe really think and reflect for the first time.

In our world at work, at home, at play and in relationship, we all have specific beliefs and viewpoints that drive our behaviors.

In other words, we have a set of values and beliefs (nodes, diodes, programming, etc.) that support our stories about how we feel about such things as:

At work: delegation, giving and receiving feedback, vision and mission planning, relating and socializing, honesty, cheating, glass ceilings, intellectual property, hiring and firing, listening, open communication, career, collaborating and competing, affirmative action...

At home: chores, sex, money, fidelity, children, in-laws, cooking and diet, cleaning, organization, trust, exercise, travel, God...

At play: types of games/sports; team vs. individual, cheating, winning and losing, practicing...
In relationship: commitment, honesty, trust, safety, communication, sharing, fun, family, roles, men, women...

The deal is all of our behavior at work, at home, at play and in relationship is a function of what we have on our motherboards - our programming.

So, how did we come to create, or have, our programming, our values and our beliefs?

Ask lots of folks and they'll say they did it themselves. Especially those who fight to the death to assure everyone they "think for themselves". "I'm my own man/woman!" Hmmm. Really?
Being conscious and self-aware means taking a deep, long look at the notion of "I am who I think I am." and perhaps discovering that "I am who someone else wanted me to be" - by taking a microscopic look at each of the nodes and diodes on our motherboard and asking, "Hmm, how did this one get here?" "And this one?" "And this one?" "How did I become who I am?"

Such an exploration will undoubtedly lead to some interesting discoveries: that, for one thing, someone else in fact may own a particular node, or a particular diode; that someone else has crafted a particular node or particular diode; that I am really operating on someone else's value or belief that I have taken on that I think is "me".

Who is it really who controls what you think, feel, say and do? Who is it that really, really influences your choices and your decisions? How did you come to believe what you believe, how you feel and how you react and respond as you do to people, places, events and circumstances in your life - at work, at home, at play and in relationship?

How did you become known as: "the happy one", "the angry one", "the hard-nosed one", "the prejudiced one", "the political one", "the honest one", "the fearful one", "the risk-taker", "the selfish one", "the compassionate one", "the writer", "the artist", "the non-mathematical one", "the don't-go-into-law" one"?" How did you become the I am described in the phrase, "I am who I think I am?"

Have you ever consciously explored the life experiences and beliefs of your parents, extended family members, your teachers, your clergy members, those who had an influence on you in your childhood and formative years?

Have you ever consciously explored your experiences with your early bosses, or military leaders, and later on with politicians, the media, radio, the Internet, reality TV - all of which have had the opportunity to craft and mold the nodes and diodes on your motherboard in very subtle ways?

Have you ever, early on or later on, sold out your own nodes and diodes to others for a price? For example, who do you associate with, and why? What does that association get you? Do you ever lie, cheat or steal at work? If so, why? What's the belief underneath your actions? Did you ever marry for money? Why? Do you jeopardize your health? Why? Do you jeopardize your relationship? If so, using what belief or story?

Most often we have allowed others, often unconsciously, to buy real estate on our motherboard because first, as a child, it brought us mommy and daddy's love, appreciation, approval, and acceptance. So we replicated their nodes and diodes and soldered them to our own motherboard - so now we think, feel, and act the way they did and often find our life is unhappy and hard, while not really understanding why.

Or, later in adolescence and early adulthood, as we entered the world of work and more serious relationships, we replicated others' nodes and diodes out of guilt, or fear and often found, and find, our life is unhappy and hard, while not really understanding why.

So, here we are, often living life at work, at home, at play and in relationship not knowing who we really, really are - disconnected from our True and Real Self because we have soldered so many others' nodes and diodes, beliefs, visions, thoughts and values to our own motherboard and think this is "me" or similarly taken reactive positions to others' influences and think this reactive stance is "me".

How do you know who you really are?

One way to begin to explore who you really are is by asking the following questions:

Do I have a closed mind? Is my mind always made up? Am I intolerant of others who don't see life as I do?

Do I see all of life as black and white? Am I rigid and inflexible, unforgiving and unbending, somewhat fanatical in my beliefs about life?

Do I use fear, guilt, manipulation, coercion and shame as weapons to get others to act in ways I feel they should act?

Am I opposed to differing perspectives, points of view and ideas?

By asking these questions and observing yourself, from outside yourself, you can begin to gain first-hand evidence of whose nodes and modules are on your motherboard.
And by asking these questions and observing yourself, from outside yourself, you can begin to gain first-hand evidence of whose nodes and modules are on your motherboard so you can consciously discern between:

·I think; therefore I am., and ·I think others' beliefs and thoughts; therefore I am who I think I am, which is not, in fact, me.

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

· Choose a few of your deepest or strongest beliefs about work, life at home, play and relationships and ask yourself, "How did I actually come to have these beliefs?" "Do they really serve me well and bring me true and real happiness or a false happiness and false sense of security?"

· How have former bosses, politicians, the clergy, or TV and the media shaped my beliefs?

· Would others say I am open to opposing viewpoints?

· How did I come to have the beliefs I have around: money, career, friends, family, appearance, health, fun, love relationships, and spirituality?

·What stories about life at work, at home, at play and in relationship have I created based on my beliefs. Do my stories support my experience of fun, happiness, contentment and joy in my life?

If not, do I prefer to keep my story to changing my belief? If so, why?

· Do I always need to be right?

· Am I gullible and easily deceived?

· Do I generally approach life with cynicism and skepticism?

· How well do I deal with change?

· When I listen to my inner judge and critic, whose voice do I most often hear (mother, father, primary caregiver, other)? What stories does that voice tell? And, are those stories true? Really?

· Do I consider myself to be a "free thinker? How did I arrive at this belief?

---ABOUT THE AUTHOR---

Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching and counseling. With a practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit, Peter's 'whole person' coaching approach supports deep and sustainable change and transformation.

Peter facilitates and guides leaders and managers, individuals in their personal and work life, partners and couples, groups and teams to move to new levels of self-awareness, enhancing their ability to show up authentically and with a heightened sense of well be-ing, inner harmony and interpersonal effectiveness as they live their lives at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

Peter is a professional speaker and published author. For more information: http://www.spiritheart.net or mailto:pvajda@spiritheart.net pvajda@spiritheart.net, or phone 770.804.9125.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D http://EzineArticles.com/?I-Think---Therefore,-I-Am---Not&id=1341206

Heaven and Hell - Which Are You Creating at Work? by Peter Vajda, Ph.D

Heaven and Hell - Which Are You Creating at Work?By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D]Peter Vajda, Ph.D

One night, a man (generic) had a dream, and in the dream an angel comes and takes him on a tour of heaven and hell. They visit hell first. It turns out that hell, surprisingly enough, is a huge banquet room, with tables full of all the food and drink one could possibly want. The people at the tables, however, are angry, frustrated, rude, despairing, depressed, stressed, thin, emaciated and wasting away. The silverware in hell is about four feet long and can only be picked up at one end. Thus, all these folks, who are interested only in feeding themselves, are unable to do so, are unable to manage a four-foot utensil in such a way they can bring the other end to their own mouth.

They leave hell and then go to visit heaven.

It turns out that heaven, surprisingly enough, is also a huge banquet room, with tables full of all the food and drink you could possibly want. The folks in heaven are joyful, happy, content, engaged, and manifest a healthy sense of well-being. The silverware is exactly the same as in hell, four feet long and can only be picked up at one end. The difference? Here, in heaven, the people are reaching across the table and feeding each other.

In every social system, in every work environment, everyone, yes, everyone, makes a contribution ­ overtly or covertly, actively or passively, consciously or unconsciously and, most importantly, for the "good of the order" or, conversely, for the "ill of the organization" - but everyone, i.e., you, contributes one way or another.

What you believe about yourself, how you see others, and what you believe about others, contribute to whether you are creating heaven or hell in your workplace in some way, shape or form.

How do you experience life in your organization (or, if you dare, in your family, or relationship)?
So, is your life at work centered on feeding yourself?

Consider:

Is your life at work "all about me?" Are your relationships at work built around a "What's in it for me?" motive? Are you a bully, gossip or blamer - do you need to coerce, dominate, control and be authoritative? Are folks expendable in your "take no prisoners" approach to project management or meeting deadlines? Do you hoard information? Are you consistently critical of others' behaviors? Are your sole reasons for working built around promotions, raises, corner offices and bonuses? Are you a workaholic? Do you sacrifice integrity, ethics and morals for the sake of money or prestige? Do you show favoritism? Do you treat others as "stupid?" Do you blow off others' requests, emails, and questions? Do you shun accountability for your actions and behaviors? Do you focus only on your own immediate tasks and responsibilities? Do you avoid risk-taking and conflict? Do you exhibit bias or prejudice? Are you distrustful, disrespectful and uncooperative? Do you have hidden agendas; are you secretive? Do you make more statements than you ask questions? Do you engage in irrational thinking and emotional reactivity? Are you inflexible, selfish, arrogant and egotistical?

Or, is your life at work centered on feeding others?

Consider:

Do you encourage and inspire the folks you work with? Do you live in integrity and authenticity at work? Do folks regard you as decent, honest and trustworthy? Do you assume accountability for your actions, behaviors and mistakes? Do you think more about supporting others than about what's wrong with others? Do you treat others with decency and respect? Do you feel everyone has a right to a seat at the table? Are listening and coaching hallmarks of your leadership or management style? Do you show confidence in your direct reports? Do you exhibit empathy and concern for others' well being? Are you energetic, upbeat, enthusiastic and optimistic? Do you encourage others to experience work-life balance? Are you self-aware and master of your emotions? Do you take time for self-reflection and encourage others to do so as well? Do you lead and manage with your heart as well as your head? Do you believe in yourself? Do you live your organization's values? Do you encourage others to contribute their thoughts, ideas and wisdom? Do you treat others like adults? Do you engage in open and honest communication, and give honest and timely feedback? Do you praise in public and deal privately with problems? Are you fair in your dealings with others? Do you act as a facilitator and guide? Are you an advocate for others? Are you humble? Do you initiate conversations and then make an effort to understand before being understood? Are you comfortable with conflict? Are you aware of your own limitations? Do you understand the challenges folks are facing and what frustrates them? Do you encourage collaboration? Do you encourage information sharing? Do you point out folks' strengths? Do you honor your commitments and keep your promises?

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

Are you contributing to your own or your colleagues' experience of hell in your workplace? If so, what story or stories do you make up to rationalize/justify your attitudes and actions to allow this to happen?

Are you contributing to your own or your colleagues' experience of heaven in your workplace? What attitudes and actions support your contribution?
---
ABOUT THE AUTHOR---
Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching and counseling. With a practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit, Peter's "whole person" coaching approach supports deep and sustainable change and transformation.

Peter facilitates and guides leaders and managers, individuals in their personal and work life, partners and couples, groups and teams to move to new levels of self-awareness, enhancing their ability to show up authentically and with a heightened sense of well be-ing, inner harmony and interpersonal effectiveness as they live their lives at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

Peter is a professional speaker and published author. For more information: http://www.spiritheart.net , or mailto:pvajda@spiritheart.net pvajda@spiritheart.net , or phone 770.804.9125.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D http://EzineArticles.com/?Heaven-and-Hell---Which-Are-You-Creating-at-Work?&id=1246961

Be a Nobody Peter Vajda, Ph.D

Credentials are a fact of life - degrees, certificates, diplomas, titles, qualifications, and real or symbolic badges of one kind or another. Credentials have their place in life, and in life at work. Credentials support us to feel confident, and support others to feel confident in us. Credentials allow us to assume responsibility and accountability, and support others choices to permit us to lead, manage or supervise. Credentials communicate education and experience and support others to rely on our expertise.

Where credentials get in the way is when one becomes preoccupied, even obsessed, with their credential. Meaning?

Simply, these folks are their credential. Their identity is birthed from their credential. They feel like a somebody as a function of their credential. These folks take their credential out of context and allow it to become bigger than life itself. These are the folks at work, at home and at play, who can't get out of the way of, separate from, their credential. They wear it like a cloak. It's their brand.

When folks are obsessed with their credential, when they are their credential, they are always on in formal meetings, in informal workplace gatherings, in water cooler conversations, with clients and other stakeholders, in outside-of-work social situations, even when shopping at the local retailer - their conversations and their interactions are driven by their need for recognition, for acknowledgment and to feel emotionally secure, to be seen as somebody. And, for this "somebody," its all about "do you know who I am?", that is, "do you recognize my credential that is me?" Often consciously, more often unconsciously.

There's an intellectual component to the need to be somebody being - cognitively recognized as important, knowledgeable, educated, having position, power, status or privilege and there's an emotional component to the need to be somebody - the sensate, physiological feeling of being "held" and seen. When either of these is lacking, the individual experiences a sense of being a nobody, for them, a fate equal to death - in actuality, unbeknownst to them, their ego death. They feel they don't exist. They have no value or worth. They feel deficient; they have no identity. They're not somebody. The psychopaths and narcissists who happen to live and work in just about every workplace, are extremely obsessed with the need and want to be somebody (even at play and at home). Their credential is the story line of their life, a statement about "who I am," a somebody.

To these folks, the response to the question, "What do you do?" is an "I am" statement. A be-ing, not a do-ing. Why? Because they are their credential - an announcement of "who I am."
The credentialed love the limelight, to be the center of attention and the life of the party. Being at the center feeds their ego, and nourishes, not their sense of pride ( a good thing), but hubris, pride bordering on obsession. How often when one of these folks feels they are not heard or seen, do they quickly react with a rough or unkind word, inappropriate action or reaction that communicates: "Do you know who I am!!!!!?: "Can't you see' me!!!!?" "What's wrong with you!!!?"

Such reactivity is the downside of identifying with one's credential. The sadness of it all is when one of these folks is not seen and heard their emotional and physiological response, underneath it all, is one of anger fueled by sadness, and loneliness. Like the young child who is wet, and not diapered, or hungry and not fed. Feeling unseen, unacknowledged and ignored, these folks, now as adults, are really reaching out to be seen and acknowledged - "emotionally wet and hungry," wanting attention, not for diapers or food, rather, to be seen, heard, i.e., recognized as "somebody.

So, what would it be like to consciously choose to be a nobody, to explore and be curious about what we see about ourselves if we didn't need to be somebody? That is, to be a nobody and show up authentically without the crutch of the credential?
What would it feel like if we went through an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime, without needing to be somebody? Just showing up as who I am right here and right now, authentically?

Being authentic in our life at work means, simply, I am me. Not, I am my job or I am my credential. Just me. What might that look like, feel like?
Well, it might look like we own our mistakes. Or, we don't become "too big for our britches." Or, blame others for errors. Or, come across as arrogant, holier-than-thou, and super(wo)man. We shed the cloak of fakeness, phoniness and pretending. We allow ourselves to say, I don't know. or "What do you think?" Or allow our embarrassment, our shyness, our vulnerability.

As a nobody, we learn to become more interested in others. We let go of our ego. We are inclusive in thought, word and deed. We are open and accepting. We operate with the notion that I am one of you. and "We are in this together for our mutual good." We seek to understand before being understood. We stand back, inquire, observe and listen. We walk in others shoes. We let go of power, status, title, and qualifications. We move away from "center stage" to "stage right," maybe even move to being "behind the scenes." We allow it to be OK to not need to be the expert. We become servant rather than master. We become flexible rather than rigid. We come from our heart in addition to our head. We become less important rather than self-important. In essence, we add a spiritual component to "who I am" and "how I am" at work. In a way, we become invisible. We get out of own way. We become quieter - more self-reflective, more self-observant. In a word, humble.

Humility, and being a "nobody," means looking up at the vast, vast Universe and knowing...I am not the center of it...regardless of my credentials.

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

· Do you rely on your credentials to be seen as "somebody?" Do you ever let credentials, yours or others', get in the way of your relationships?

· Are you ever jealous of others' credentials?

· Do you ever feel like a "nobody", or deficient, because you lack a certain credential?

· What would a next credential "get you?" Are you a "nobody" without it?

· Do you use your credential to behave like a "know-it-all" or an expert?

· Do you ever use your credentials to mask weakness or irresponsibility?

· Do you keep your credentials in a proper perspective?

· Do credentials line your walls? If so, why?

· When folks ask, "What do you do?", how do you respond? With a "do-ing" or a "be-ing?"

· Who would you be without one or more of your credentials? Would you feel like you're the same person?

· What would it be like to practice being a "nobody" next week, in thought, word and deed?

· Do you always need to be "on"? If so, why?

· Are status and title important to you? If so, why? · How do you practice humility in your life at work (at home and at play)?

· When do you feel like a "nobody" and a "somebody"?

· How often do you feel you show up authentically? Honestly. Is that OK?

(c) 2008, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and SpiritHeart. All rights in all media reserved.

---ABOUT THE AUTHOR---
Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching, counseling and facilitating. With a practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit - that is, Essential Well BE-ing - Peter's approach focuses on personal, business, relational and spiritual coaching. He is a professional speaker and published author. For more information contact: http://www.spiritheart.net/ or [mailto:pvajda@spiritheart.net]pvajda@spiritheart.net or phone 770.804.9125
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D http://EzineArticles.com/?Be-a-Nobody&id=988027