Why Argue? You Can't Win Anyway by Matthew Roberts

Ever noticed the outcome of an argument between two people or groups with contradicting views? Was there really a winner?

If you’re on the winning side, you feel superior, and important. All these feelings suggest a positive outcome for you. It’s as if you’re working down on a guy while he looks up at you. He has this words to mumble “I’m going to get you next time; you wait and see.”

Yes, there’s this shallow threat to win over you once he gets a rematch. Definitely, a rivalry and a disharmonious relationship will ensue. If the argument happens in front of other people, the repercussions are far worst than can be imagined. To most people, being contradicted and won over in front of other people is a big issue. For obvious reasons, no person in his right sense can tolerate being contradicted. It is an embarrassment.

A person forced to submit against his will stays firm in his belief. So what’s the best advice to a situation that seems to lead to an impending argument?

Welcome an opinion even though it is the opposite of your own. When two people go into a partnership, let’s say in business, it is normal that disagreements arise. Actually, it is healthy for business.

Disagreements don’t mean that the partnership will go sour. It’s the exchange of ideas that gives businesses more competitive edges and improvements. Use disagreements to your advantage. This is especially true to married couples. Husbands and wives may disagree but they ultimately find a common ground to make their relationship stronger. It’s like exploring each other, getting to know your partner better.

If you are the temperamental type, learn to control it. Make every effort to gradually reduce the intensity until you see substantial improvement. Temper that is out of control is fueled by anger like a forest wildfire. This is entirely different from controlled temper that is like the fire in the fireplace giving warmth at wintertime.

One of the most important character you can develop to avoid arguments is to be a good listener. Give your ear a chance to listen first before you let words come out of your mouth. And when you do have a word or two to say, try your best to align them in a non-argumentative direction. Be tactful. Dwell on areas where you think you and the other party will agree. Be sincere. If you commit a mistake, acknowledge and apologize accordingly. Apologizing for mistakes does not make you a lesser person in terms of importance. On the contrary, people feel humbled when apologized to. Apologies bring out the gentle person in you.

Give the other party the benefit of the doubt in his opinion especially when you doubt your own opinion as well. Tell the other party you will think over his ideas. This is better than being told later “ I told you so but you wouldn’t listen.” This will also give you and him the chance to evaluate the problem or issue.

When someone takes the time and the effort to engage in a debate or argument with you, it only shows that he is also interested in the same things as you do. That alone is sufficient reason for you to thank him.

Arguments are raised not to be a source of losing one’s face. Arguments are raised so that we may learn a lesson or two and get better in terms of acquiring added knowledge.

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